A Reflection Exercise for Tough Times
If you need a reminder of how capable you are, this is it.
What a month this past week has been, huh? I’ve struggled to put into words exactly how I feel. One of those colorful mood charts full of smiley faces doesn’t cover the range of anxiety, sadness, rage, and grief I experienced all within the span of a few hours.
You might have felt that, too, and then some. After the 2016 election, there was a lot we didn’t know about what the future would hold. And now, eight years later, I feel like we have a better idea of what we’re in for, but we still don’t know exactly what’s going to happen.
At a certain point last week, I knew that I had to stop wallowing. Make no mistake — this sucks. And I hesitated to try to say something comforting for fear of it coming across as toxic positivity.
I’m not telling anyone how they should or shouldn’t feel. But I knew, sometime late last week, that I needed to begin thinking of a path forward. I had to shift my focus from the chaos of the world around us to the things in my life that I have more control over.
I did what I like to do in times of upheaval: turn inward. But I knew this time I couldn’t stay there by myself, so I’m turning it back outward now.
I came up with the three-part series of questions below as a way to ground myself and remind myself that I’m capable of getting through difficult things. I hope they help you, too, but if not, then I hope you find some other grounding force to manage the discomfort and uncertainty you may be experiencing.
Part 1: Think of a difficult period of your life. Maybe it was something personal, or perhaps it was a time of upheaval throughout the world or your part of it.
What did you do during that time? How did you grow? What did you accomplish? What were your relationships like? What did you learn?
Between early 2017 and early 2021, for me, was a period where I saw profound shifts in my creativity, spiritual practices, and identity. I wrote a lot. I began making art again after a long period of convincing myself I couldn’t. I made bold career moves. I took more control over my health and wellness. I traveled to retreats and places on my personal bucket list. I embraced shifts in my identity. And I brushed up on what I didn’t know, listened more closely to the experiences of people different from me, and contributed wherever I could to help others.
I didn’t do those things purely because of what was going on in the world. I did it in spite of that. I felt like I stepped into a new, more powerful version of myself over that period. I wanted to live as authentically as possible — because as many of us as possible need to in these times. Not just in the face of adversity but as a sign to others that they don’t have to dim their light.
This is a reminder that you’re capable of doing difficult things and getting through challenging times. You’ve made it to the other side. And hopefully you were able to thrive in spite of everything else going on. Everything that threatened to break you at the time didn’t succeed. You’re still here, damn it.
Part 2: Now we dig in a little further. Next, think of what you didn’t do during that time. What did you want to do that you didn’t do? Or what do you wish you hadn’t done? What regrets do you have? Where did you shrink or avoid taking responsibility?
I know that I learned a lot in those years. I showed up where I could. I donated to causes I believe in when I was able to. I can’t shake the feeling like I should have done more. Maybe there were difficult conversations I needed to have with people.
This question isn’t about beating yourself up, though. It’s simply about what you might have done differently. And while there may be some opportunities that have passed, there are others that don’t have an expiration date. There’s still time.
Part 3: Finally, take the information from above and look to the future. What actions will you continue to take? What will you do differently? What will you no longer do or tolerate going forward?
We know that we’re heading into a different time. Maybe one that we didn’t think we’d go back to. I know that there are practices I’ve cultivated that I need to continue and work that I can do to help others.
Over the next few years, we need to practice some healthy self-reflection where possible. Check in with yourself. Make sure you’re really living your values.
And then look outside of yourself. What you practice in your personal life should help you be of service to those around you.
There’s this myth of the rugged individual who thinks they can solve problems on their own, and I think that trickles into a lot of talks about wellness. It then shifts the onus to each of us to figure out how to overcome systemic barriers and deal with complex political issues, as if they’re our burden alone. It sends the message that if you’re struggling, it’s your own fault.
Now more than ever, we need to remember that we’re in all this together. Look out for the people in your life. Self care is good; community care is better. I don’t know where we’re going from here, but we’re in it together.
Further reading: